Let me ask you something: what story are you telling yourself right now? Is it one that lifts you up, or is it holding you back?
We don’t just tell stories to others – we tell them to ourselves. These inner stories are powerful because they shape how we see ourselves and the actions we take every day. But here’s the problem: they’re not always kind.
What if you could change that? What if you could rewrite those stories into something that lifts you up instead of tearing you down? What if you could use them to inspire not only yourself but others too?
In this post, we’ll explore how to identify the stories that are holding you back, reframe them for growth, and turn them into a source of strength. Keep reading to find out how to take control of your inner narrative and create a story worth telling.
When Inner Stories Hold Us Back
The stories we tell ourselves aren’t always empowering. Often, they focus on the times we stumbled, the things we wish we’d done better, or the moments that didn’t go as planned.
You know the ones I mean – the whispers that say “You’re not good enough” or sometimes the shouts of “You’ll never get it right”. These stories play on a loop in our minds, and the more we listen to them, the more they shape how we see ourselves and what we believe is possible.
But here’s the good news: you don’t have to believe those stories forever. You can rewrite them. And in doing so, you can create a narrative that helps you grow, connect, and take positive action.
The Impact of the Stories We Tell Ourselves
In my previous blog post about the power of storytelling I mentioned how a compelling story can inspire an audience to take action. In the same way, the stories we tell ourselves influence our actions – or inaction.
For example, imagine your inner story says “I always mess up”. How does that impact your behavior? You might avoid opportunities where failure is possible, which can limit your growth.
On the flip side, a story like “Every mistake is a lesson” might encourage you to try again.
We tell ourselves stories to make sense of our world. But sometimes, those stories hold us back instead of lifting us up.
The problem? Our brains are hardwired for negativity, a phenomenon known as the negativity bias. We tend to focus more on our failures than our successes, creating inner stories that hold us back.
The Stories I Told Myself
If you’ve read my last post, you know perfectionism has been a big struggle for me. For a long time, I told myself “If it’s not perfect, it’s not good enough. And if it’s not good enough, what’s the point?”
A good example of this was public speaking. My anxiety was so high, that perfection was never really an option. So I’d overthink everything, tweak every detail, second-guess myself and most of the time avoid it altogether.
But here’s what I realized: perfectionism is just fear in disguise. And fear loves to tell very mean stories.
I started asking myself: Did I really need to be perfect to have value? Was I supposed to hide my imperfections? The answer? No. So I decided it was time to rewrite the story.
Robin Roberts: Making Your Mess Your Message
Around this time, I heard Robin Roberts, the news anchor, say something that shifted my perspective:
Make your mess your message.
Robin has faced immense challenges, including a battle with cancer and a rare blood disorder. Instead of letting those experiences define her negatively, she reframed them. She used her struggles to inspire others, proving that even the hardest moments can lead to something meaningful.
Her words reminded me that my perfectionism wasn’t something to hide – it was something to share. By talking openly about it, I could connect with others who felt the same way and show them that imperfection isn’t a flaw; it’s part of being human.
How Negative Stories Hold Us Back
Negative inner stories feel true because they’re often rooted in our memories. Each time we think “I always fail” our brain pulls up a highlight reel of every time we’ve fallen short.
The more we replay these stories, the stronger they become. They shape how we view ourselves and what we believe we can achieve. And because our brains are wired to remember negative experiences more vividly than positive ones, breaking free from these narratives takes time and effort.
Rewriting Your Inner Stories
1. Recognize the Story
Start by noticing the negative thoughts you have throughout the day. You might tell yourself things like “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never succeed”.
Practice:
Keep a journal or notebook where you write down these thoughts whenever they come up.
If at some point for example you catch yourself thinking “I always mess up” write it down. You’ll start to see patterns, and it will help you recognize when these stories show up in your mind.
2. Question the narrative
Once you’ve noticed the story, ask yourself these questions:
- Is this really true?
- Would I say this to someone I care about?
- What proof do I have to support or challenge this story?
Practice:
When you hear a negative thought, stop and ask these questions.
Imagine that you think “I’m terrible at speaking in front of people” challenge that. Ask yourself “Have I ever had a positive experience? What skills do I have that can make me better?”. You might realize that you’ve spoken in front of others before and done just fine. Or that you have a skill that you can utilize, like a good sense of humour or good storytelling.
3. Reframe the Story
Instead of focusing on the negatives, shift your attention to what you learned or how you’ve grown.
Practice:
When you feel like you’ve failed, try to see the lesson in it.
For example, if you think “I failed at this presentation”, reframe it to “I learned what didn’t work, and now I can try something different next time”. This small change in perspective makes setbacks feel less like failures and more like valuable learning opportunities.
It is useful to write down the lessons from each experience because it helps you lock in what you’ve learned. It gives you something to look back on when you need a reminder of how far you’ve come and what you can do better next time.
4. Embrace Imperfection
Perfection isn’t the goal. Growth and learning are. Accepting imperfection is where real change begins.
Practice:
Challenge yourself to embrace small imperfections. Share something you’re working on, even if it’s not perfect.
If for example you’re working on a project, let someone see it before it’s finished. Tell them it’s a work in progress. This allows you to share without the pressure of perfection and gives you the chance to get feedback that can help you improve.
5. Practice Positive Self-Talk
Start replacing negative thoughts with affirmations. Replace “I’m not good enough” with something more positive, like “I am capable, and I am enough just as I am.”
Practice:
Every time you catch yourself thinking negatively, pause and replace it with a positive affirmation.
For example, if you think “I’m terrible at this” try saying “I’m learning and getting better every day”. It might feel awkward at first, but the more you practice, the more natural it will become.
Tips for Practicing Your New Story
Rewriting the stories we tell ourselves isn’t something that happens overnight. But the more you practice, the easier it becomes. To help you along the way, here are a few tips to stay on track:
- Set a daily reminder: Put a note on your phone or desk to check on the stories you tell yourself. Ask “Is this story true?”. This simple question will help you challenge your thoughts in real-time.
- Celebrate small wins: Every time you catch yourself reframing a negative thought or practicing positive self-talk, give yourself a mental high-five. Even the smallest change is a step toward rewiring your brain.
- Be patient with yourself: This process isn’t perfect, and neither are you! The goal is progress, not perfection.
Why Sharing Your Story Matters
As you continue to practice these mindset shifts, you’ll begin to see how your story can evolve. And here’s the thing: your story doesn’t just help you – it can also help others.
When I started opening up about my struggles with perfectionism, people began telling me that they felt the same way. They shared how hearing my story inspired them to never let perfectionism control their lives. That’s the beauty of storytelling: it connects us, and reminds us that we’re never truly alone.
Just like Robin Roberts turned her own struggles into a message of hope, your story – flaws, failures, and all – has the power to make an impact. You never know who might find strength in your vulnerability.
Take Charge of Your Story
The stories we tell ourselves are powerful. They shape our actions, our choices, and ultimately, our lives. But they’re just that – stories. And the best part? We have the power to rewrite them.
So, the next time you catch yourself thinking “I’m not good enough” pause. Ask yourself if that story is true. Then challenge it. Rewrite it. Turn it into something that lifts you up instead of holding you back.
Now, it’s your turn. What story are you telling yourself right now, and how can you rewrite it to empower you? Share your thoughts in the comments below – I’d love to hear how you’re rewriting your narrative.