Why Some Speakers Captivate – And Others Are Forgotten
Ever listened to a speaker who had you hanging onto every word? It wasn’t just their message – it was how they made you feel.
That’s oxytocin – the love hormone – at work in public speaking. It’s the same brain chemical that bonds us to friends, makes us trust strangers, and turns simple words into something unforgettable.
Great speakers don’t just share ideas. They create a connection so strong that their audience leans in, feels something real, and remembers them long after they’ve left the stage.
The good news? You don’t have to be born with charisma to do this. You just need to know how to trigger oxytocin in your audience – and in this post, I’ll show you exactly how.
Let’s dive in.
Why Oxytocin is Your Public Speaking Superpower
Oxytocin is often called the “love hormone” because it’s released during hugs, deep conversations, and moments of emotional closeness. But its power goes beyond relationships – it’s what makes us feel safe, engaged, and connected in any interaction, including public speaking.
When your audience’s brains release oxytocin, three things happen:
✔ They trust you more – You’re no longer a distant speaker; you feel like a friend.
✔ They feel emotionally invested – They don’t just hear your words; they experience them.
✔ They remember you – Emotional connection boosts memory, making your message stick.
“People may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel” – Maya Angelou
How to Trigger Oxytocin in Your Audience
You don’t need to be a natural-born speaker to create deep connections. By using simple, techniques, you can spark oxytocin and make your audience trust, engage, and remember.
Here are four powerful ways to do it.
1. Create “Lean-In” Moments with Vulnerability
Ever noticed how the most powerful speeches often start with a deeply personal story?
That’s because vulnerability builds connection – it makes you real, relatable, and human. And oxytocin? It thrives in human moments.
- Share a personal challenge, failure, or moment of uncertainty. Something your audience can see themselves in.
- Use sensory details to pull them in: “My hands were shaking as I gripped the microphone…” instead of “I was nervous.”
- Pause. Let your audience feel the moment before moving on.
People connect with people, not perfection. Give them something real, and oxytocin will pull them closer to you.
2. Speak Like You’re Letting Them in on a Secret
Think about the last time someone leaned in and said “Can I tell you something?”. Even if it wasn’t a big secret, you couldn’t help but listen a little closer. That’s oxytocin at work – it makes us feel included. A speaker who feels scripted or distant loses that connection, but one who makes their audience feel like they’re part of something special? That’s the speaker people trust – and remember.
- Lower your voice slightly at key moments: it signals, this part matters.
- Use conversational phrases: “Most people don’t realize this, but…” or “Let me share a little secret”.
- Pause before a big point: in my post on how to use pauses, we saw how powerful silence is in public speaking. It builds anticipation and makes people feel part of something special.
The more intimate your delivery, the deeper the connection.
3. Engage Their Imagination with “Mental Movies”
Oxytocin isn’t just released through connection – it’s also triggered when we vividly experience something in our minds. That’s why oxytocin in public speaking plays a key role in storytelling.
When you create mental movies for your audience, you help them feel the story, not just hear it.
- Instead of saying “It was a tough decision” say:
“I stood at a crossroads, staring down two paths – one safe, one terrifying but full of possibility”. - Use sensory words: let your audience taste, smell, and hear the moment.
- Create contrast: describe the tension before the breakthrough to heighten emotion.
The more your audience feels inside the story, the more oxytocin floods their system – making them deeply invested in your message.
4. Let Them See You – Literally
Ever tried having a deep conversation with someone who avoids eye contact? It feels distant, right?
Eye contact is one of the fastest ways to trigger oxytocin in public speaking because it signals trust and attention. A speaker glued to their slides or notes breaks that connection, but one who looks directly at their audience builds instant rapport.
- Make intentional eye contact with different people in the audience – not just quick scans.
- If speaking virtually, look directly into the camera to simulate real eye contact.
- Smile naturally. Genuine smiles trigger oxytocin in both you and your audience.
Eye contact turns a speech into a conversation. And conversations create connection.
Speak to the Heart, Not Just the Head
The best speeches aren’t the ones packed with data or the most polished delivery – they’re the ones that make people feel something. And that’s what oxytocin does in public speaking does – it shifts your audience from passive listeners to deeply engaged participants in your message.
So, next time you speak, don’t just focus on what you’re saying. Focus on how you’re making your audience feel.
Your Challenge:
In your next talk, try at least one of these oxytocin triggers – vulnerability, intimacy, sensory storytelling, or eye contact – and notice the difference.
Does your audience pay closer attention? Do they engage with you on a deeper level?
I’d love to hear how it goes! Drop a comment and share how these techniques transformed your speech. What worked best for you?
